Page 7 The Islamic Bulletin Issue 18 Islam asked me to use my intelligence to contemplate God. It encouraged me to seek knowledge, it told me that those who believed in one God (Jews/ Christians/ Muslims/ whomever) would get rewards; it seemed a very encompassing religion. We stand again and still standing, bend down again to a resting position with our hands on our knees. What else can I say to God? I can’t think of enough to say, the prayer seems so long. I puff slightly, still sniffling, since with all the standing I am somewhat out of breath. “So you seriously think that I would willingly enter a religion which turned me into a second class citizen? I demand of my questioners. You know that there is a lot of abuse of women in Islamic countries, just as in the West, but this is not true of Islam. And don’t bring the veil thing up. “Don’t you know that women wear hijab because God asks them to? Because they trust in God’s word.” Still. How will I have the courage to wear hijab? I probably won’t. People will stare at me, I’ll be obvious; I’d rather hide away in the crowd when I’m out. What will my friends say when they see me in that?? OH! God! Help. I had stalled at the edge of change for many a long month, my dilemma growing daily. What should I do? Leave my old life and start a new one? But I couldn’t possibly go out in public in hijab. People would stare at me. I stood at the forked path which God helped me reach. I had new knowledge which rested comfortably with my intellect. Follow the conviction, or stay in the old way? How could I stay when I had a different outlook on life? How could I change when the step seemed too big for me? I would rehearse the conversation sentence: There is no God worthy of worship but God and Muhammed (pbuh) is his Prophet. Simple words, I believe in them, so convert. I cannot, I resisted. I circled endlessly day after day. God stood on one of the paths of the fork. Come on Kathy. I’ve brought you here, but you must cross alone. I stayed stationary, transfixed like a kangaroo trapped in a car lights late at night. Then one night, I suppose, God, gave me a final yank. I was passing a mosque with my husband. I had a feeling in me that was so strong I could hardly bear it. If you don’t convert now, you never will, my inner voice told me. I knew it was true. OK, I’ll do it. If they let me in the mosque I’ll do it. But there was no one there. I said the shahaada under the trees outside the mosque. I waited. I waited for the thunderclap, the immediate feeling of relief, the lifting of my burden. But it didn’t come. I felt exactly the same. Now we are kneeling again, the world looks so different from down here. Even famous football players prostrate like this, I remember, glancing sideways at the tassels of my hijab which fall onto the prayer mat; we are sitting up straight, my prayer leader is muttering something still, waving his right hand’s forefinger around in the air. I look down at my mat again. The green, purple, and black of my prayer mat look reassuringly the same. The blackness of the Mosque’s entrance entreats me: ‘I am here, just relax and you will find me.’ My tears have dried on my face and my skin feels tight. “What am I doing here?” Dear God. I am here because I believe in you, because I believe in the compelling and majestic words of the Qur’an, and because I believe in the Prophethood of your Messenger Muhammed (pbuh). I know in my heart my decision is the right one. Please give me the courage to carry on with this new self and new life, that I may serve you well with a strong faith. I smile and stand up, folding my prayer mat into half, and lay it on the sofa ready for my next encounter with its velvety green. Now the burden begins to lift. DU’A FOR PROTECTION FROM MISFORTUNE (The Du’a of Abu-Darda) “One day, a neighbor came running to Hadrat Abu-Dardaa (Radiy-Allaahu anhu) when he was at his shop. The neighbor said that the neighborhood where they lived was on fire and that Hadrat Abu-Dardaa’s house was also burning. Hadrat Abu-Dardaa calmly said, ‘No, it has not burned.’ Another person came in and gave the same report, and Hadrat AbuDardaa gave the same reply. A third person showed up with the same news and got the same answer. Then another man came in and said, ‘AbuDardaa! The fire was blazing high but, when the flames came to your house, they went out!’ Abu-Dardaa replied, ‘I knew that Allah, The Exalted, would not allow my house to burn because I heard from Rasulu-Lah (Salla-Lahu ‘alai wa Salam) that the person who repeats certain words in the morning will be safe from all misfortunes until evening, and I recited those words this morning.’” They are: “Allah-humma, anta rabbi, laa ilaaha illaa Anta, ‘alaika tawakkaltu wa anta rabbul ‘arshil kariymi maashaa Allaahu kaana wa maLam yasha’ lam yakuw-wa laa hawla wa laa quwwata illaa bil-Laahil ‘Aliyyil ‘Aziym. A’lamu annallaaha ‘alaa kulli shay in qadiyruw-wa annallaaha qad ahaata bikulli shay in ‘almaa. Allah-humma inni a’uthu bika min sharri nafsiy wa min sharri kulli daabbatin, anta aakhithum bi naasiyatihaa inna rabiy ‘alaa siraatim-mustaqiym.” Translation: “Oh Allah, You are my Lord. There is nothing worthy of worship except You. I place all of my trust and reliance in You and You are the Lord of the Noble Throne. Whatever Allah wishes takes place, and whatever He does not desire, does not occur, and there is no power and no strength except in Allah, The Exalted, The Mighty. I know that Allah is Powerful over all things and that Allah has knowledge of all things. Oh Allah, I seek refuge in You from the evil of my nafs and from the evil of every creeping crawling creature. You are master over them. Verily, You are Lord of the Straight Path.” Islam asked me to use my intelligence to contemplate God. Do You Need Insurance?
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