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Issue 14

Even though I would read the Quran and gradually began

to truly and deeply in my heart believe in it as the words

of God, I still wasn’t ready to give up my fast and loose

lifestyle. I was certainly very much like a baby taking baby

steps into an unknown world.

I was recently asked, “How diffi ult was it to suddenly stop

and give up many of the things you had been doing when

you became Muslim?” It wasn’t difficult because I didn’t

suddenly give up anything!

It took me five years from the time I first started reading

the Quran to make the conscious decision to stop eating

pork! My family was Italian, so pork was a mainstay of our

cuisine. But when I said to myself after fiv years of reading

the Quran that maybe I should give it up because Allah

had prescribed it to us as unclean, it was very difficult

It took me about a year of eating it and feeling guilty before

it began to make me sick when I ate it. Now, I just look at

the salami in the supermarket and say, “Well, it’s a small

thing Allah asks of us”.

That’s how I feel about Ramadan. I asked someone what

is the first thing they think of when they realize Ramadan

is coming.

They said the first thing is, Oh, Aghhh!”, then right after

that is, “Oh, Yea!” That’s what I think too. That feeling of

anxiety, I guess because we know we are facing a

challenge and fearful that we might fail. As humans we

cannot be sinless, but surely we can sin less."

And then we think of that sweet feeling upon breaking fast

at the proper time and knowing that you have offered up

to Allah one more day in honor of your devotion to Him...

because it is a small thing that He asks of us - to fast for

one month only - to really try for one month only to follow

his path in a very concentrated and focused way.

Sometimes when I feel temptation during Ramadan, I say

that to myself...”it’s a small thing He asks of us” and He

grants us so much mercies and forgiveness.

Liquor, promiscuity, stealing, lying, cheating, etc... have

slowly departed over the course of these thirteen years.

Now when I think back I can’t even imagine that the

per

son behaving that way was me. It is so different from

who I am today. Liquor brought me to my knees and

Allah was there to help me back up.

I had disappointed my children and certainly was a poor

role model for them. But Mash’Allah, they both have the

Holy Quran in their homes today and see the different

person I have become because of my most sincere and

deep belief in it. My grand daughters believe in Allah and

always want to hear “God Stories”.

My father has passed on, but my mother is surprisingly

tolerant towards my belief in Islam. Although sometimes

I think she thinks it is ‘just a phase’. My brothers and

sisters all are respectful towards my beliefs although they

too have many of the misconceptions and stereotypes of

many Americans.

One thing I had a great problem with when I fi ally accept

ed that I was becoming Muslim was some of the attitudes

of the Muslims I met. I would occasionally try to go to the

Mosque but was usually disheartened by the questions or

instructions I would receive from brothers and sisters there.

Usually, the first question is, “Who is your husband?” If I

said that I didn’t have one, I was viewed with suspicion and

usually no one would talk to me after that. I was told that

Allah would not accept my prayers because I was wearing

nail polish. That can be very discouraging for someone

seeking knowledge and contact with Allah and the Islamic

community.

I was instructed to do some very unusual things which I

found odd to say the least. It took me about seven years

to differentiate between “cultural customs” and Islamic

practices.

I know from other converts I have talked with they have

had similar experiences. But, there are the sweet memories

of praying alongside my sisters during Ramadan or Jumah

when I feel so close to Allah that I weep with gratitude for

the gift He gave me of the Quran and Islam.

I sometimes see this journey as one Allah has chosen for me

and which He isn’t going to let me out of! Of course, I have

come to be very grateful for His patience and tolerance for

my weakness. Allah has never backed out on the promises

in the Quran. That’s how I see it. If it seems disrespectful

to someone else, I apologize, but my faith in Allah is at the

deepest core of my being and today guides my life.

I still have many goals which I wish to achieve with my faith.

I have come to accept my belief in Islam as a progression,

a journey, a seed that was planted and has grown into a

strong and living presence in my soul. I am not perfect,

but I believe that I am a better Muslim this year than I was

last year.

I know by the number of things that I have left behind that

were not pleasing to Allah. I know with each passing Ra

madan because I can look back at my first weak attempts

at fasting and realize that I can look forward to this month

and that Allah will be there to help me through the weak

moments.

My children respect me. I honor my mother as Allah asks

of us. I have come to accept the difficulties in my life as

opportunities for Allah to strengthen me or let me practice

patience or tolerance... or to “grow” me in some way.

For me, embracing Islam has been the single greatest gift

ever granted to me. I am still grateful and awestruck by it.

ROM

LA LA L

AND

LLAH

’

AND

AMELA

ARRETT

(1948 - 2006)

My background was typical California American growing

up in the early sixties. My parents raised us five kids as

Catholic, but with the divorce of my parents when I was

11, we kind of fell away from the church. In those years,

it was very disgraceful to divorce so we felt like outcasts.

I never really felt connected to Christianity though, even

as a child. It somehow never really made any sense to

me and I detected inconsistencies even at an early age.

I used to go to communion so I wouldn’t have to answer

questions during Catechism.

Well, in typical California style we were kind of left to raise

ourselves after the divorce. There wasn’t much in the way

of guidance. Although my mom loved us a lot, she was

suddenly the sole caregiver of five children. My dad I only

saw about five or six times after that

Left to our own devices, I was pregnant by the time I was

16 and ended up married to the father of my children.

Pretty much a “shot-gun wedding” I’m afraid. We stayed

married for 16 years and had two children.

I had missed out on the “hippie” thing when I had gotten

married in 1964 when all that “drop out and drop acid”

stuff was happening. To make this short, I ended up leaving

after all those years and running away to San Francisco to

“find out who I was” and become liberated”!

What I found was liquor, drugs, sex, rock & roll. I was in

such a hurry to “live” that I gave no thought to morality or

anything like that...just a completely hedonistic approach

to life.

I came to know about Islam through a young man newly

arrived in America. He was from a large family and was here

alone and feeling quite lost with all the new experiences

confronting him.

We found a comfort in each other as I was also alone

without family or friends for the first time in my life. I be

gan to respect some of the qualities I saw in him. He was

very honest and never made excuses for himself. I saw a

complete acceptance and confidence in him that I never

experienced in anyone before.

He would tell me things about the Quran which were

interesting to me. He was very low key and didn’t ever

pressure me in any way. I liked what I saw in him. The fact

that he was honest really impressed me. I had never even

thought that a person could survive in life in a clean and

honest manner. He had me do Shahada the first time we

were together even though I didn’t have any idea what it

was. Sometimes I think that even though I didn’t know what

I was saying...God did and took it seriously!

As a matter of fact, I was really afraid of Islam because I

was afraid that God would make me boring and trapped if I

was Muslim. I was so naive about Islam that my perceptions

were really skewed. I carried all of the mis-information as

many Americans.

What I had in the back of my sick mind was some correla

tion to the nuns I had seen as a child. They seemed to me

to be trapped in a prison of morals. I remember always

feeling that they were lonely and dull and all they could

do was pray. That seemed to me to be an empty life. At

that point anything that seemed “fun” was not allowed.

But God truly is great. Somehow, He gave me all the rope

I needed to hang myself then ended up being there when

I fell. Anyway, therein followed a few more years of “wan

dering in wilderness”.

After my young man and I parted ways, I called the mosque

and asked if I could get a copy of the Quran. I just wanted to

know more about it. I never intended to “become” Muslim.

Well, when I read the very beginning of the Yusuf Ali edi

tion, the summary actually, I just cried. I was awestruck by

the beauty and mercy and grace. It touched me in a way

that nothing else ever had.

When I read the Fatiha, I knew it was something very spe

cial but I was certainly not ready to accept or understand

even a fragment of it. The beauty of its verses galvanized

me. Many of the fundamental principles I just could not

imagine ever agreeing with or understanding.

What most impressed me was the forgiveness and mercy.

That incredible Graciousness of Allah. I was going to need

lots of these blessings with the kind of life I was living and

continued to live for several more years.

I E

mbraced

slam