IB_18

7 / 22

Page 7 The Islamic Bulletin Issue 18
Islam asked me to use my intelligence to contemplate God. It
encouraged me to seek knowledge, it told me that those who
believed in one God (Jews/ Christians/ Muslims/ whomever)
would get rewards; it seemed a very encompassing religion.
We stand again and still standing, bend down again to a
resting position with our hands on our knees. What else can I
say to God? I can’t think of enough to say, the prayer seems so
long. I puff slightly, still sniffling, since with all the standing I
am somewhat out of breath.
“So you seriously think that I would willingly enter a religion
which turned me into a second class citizen? I demand of my
questioners. You know that there is a lot of abuse of women
in Islamic countries, just as in the West, but this is not true of
Islam. And don’t bring the veil thing up.
“Don’t you know that women wear hijab because God asks
them to? Because they trust in God’s word.” Still. How will I
have the courage to wear hijab? I probably won’t. People will
stare at me, I’ll be obvious; I’d rather hide away in the crowd
when I’m out. What will my friends say when they see me in
that?? OH! God! Help.
I had stalled at the edge of change for many a long month, my
dilemma growing daily. What should I do? Leave my old life
and start a new one? But I couldn’t possibly go out in public
in hijab. People would stare at me. I stood at the forked path
which God helped me reach. I had new knowledge which
rested comfortably with my intellect. Follow the conviction, or
stay in the old way?
How could I stay when I had a different outlook on life? How
could I change when the step seemed too big for me? I would
rehearse the conversation sentence: There is no God worthy
of worship but God and Muhammed (pbuh) is his Prophet.
Simple words, I believe in them, so convert. I cannot, I resist-
ed. I circled endlessly day after day.
God stood on one of the paths of the fork. Come on Kathy.
I’ve brought you here, but you must cross alone. I stayed sta-
tionary, transfixed like a kangaroo trapped in a car lights late
at night.
Then one night, I suppose, God, gave me a final yank. I was
passing a mosque with my husband. I had a feeling in me that
was so strong I could hardly bear it. If you don’t convert now,
you never will, my inner voice told me. I knew it was true.
OK, I’ll do it. If they let me in the mosque I’ll do it. But there
was no one there. I said the shahaada under the trees outside
the mosque. I waited. I waited for the thunderclap, the im-
mediate feeling of relief, the lifting of my burden. But it didn’t
come. I felt exactly the same.
Now we are kneeling again, the world looks so different from
down here. Even famous football players prostrate like this, I
remember, glancing sideways at the tassels of my hijab which
fall onto the prayer mat; we are sitting up straight, my prayer
leader is muttering something still, waving his right hand’s
forefinger around in the air. I look down at my mat again. The
green, purple, and black of my prayer mat look reassuringly
the same.
The blackness of the Mosque’s entrance entreats me: ‘I am
here, just relax and you will find me.’ My tears have dried on
my face and my skin feels tight.
“What am I doing here?” Dear God. I am here because I be-
lieve in you, because I believe in the compelling and majestic
words of the Qur’an, and because I believe in the Propheth-
ood of your Messenger Muhammed (pbuh).
I know in my heart my decision is the right one. Please give
me the courage to carry on with this new self and new life,
that I may serve you well with a strong faith. I smile and stand
up, folding my prayer mat into half, and lay it on the sofa
ready for my next encounter with its velvety green.
Now the burden begins to lift.
DU’A FOR PROTECTION FROM
MISFORTUNE
(The Du’a of Abu-Darda)
“One day, a neighbor came running to Hadrat Abu-Dardaa
(Radiy-Allaahu anhu)
when he was at his
shop. The neighbor said
that the neighborhood
where they lived was
on fire and that Had-
rat Abu-Dardaa’s house
was also burning. Hadrat
Abu-Dardaa calmly said,
‘No, it has not burned.’
Another person came
in and gave the same
report, and Hadrat Abu-
Dardaa gave the same
reply. A third person showed up with the same news and got
the same answer. Then another man came in and said, ‘Abu-
Dardaa! The fire was blazing high but, when the flames came
to your house, they went out!’ Abu-Dardaa replied, ‘I knew
that Allah, The Exalted, would not allow my house to burn
because I heard from Rasulu-Lah (Salla-Lahu ‘alai wa Salam)
that the person who repeats certain words in the morning will
be safe from all misfortunes until evening, and I recited those
words this morning.’”
They are:
“Allah-humma, anta rabbi, laa ilaaha illaa
Anta, ‘alaika tawakkaltu wa anta rabbul
‘arshil kariymi maashaa Allaahu kaana wa
maLam yasha’ lam yakuw-wa laa hawla wa
laa quwwata illaa bil-Laahil ‘Aliyyil ‘Aziym.
A’lamu annallaaha ‘alaa kulli shay in qadi-
yruw-wa annallaaha qad ahaata bikulli shay
in ‘almaa.
Allah-humma inni a’uthu bika min sharri
nafsiy wa min sharri kulli daabbatin, anta
aakhithum bi naasiyatihaa inna rabiy ‘alaa
siraatim-mustaqiym.”
Translation:
“Oh Allah, You are my Lord. There is noth-
ing worthy of worship except You. I place
all of my trust and reliance in You and You
are the Lord of the Noble Throne. Whatever
Allah wishes takes place, and whatever He
does not desire, does not occur, and there
is no power and no strength except in Allah,
The Exalted, The Mighty. I know that Allah is
Powerful over all things and that Allah has
knowledge of all things.
Oh Allah, I seek refuge in You from the evil
of my nafs and from the evil of every creep-
ing crawling creature. You are master over
them. Verily, You are Lord of the Straight
Path.”
Islam asked me to use my intelligence
to contemplate God.
Do You N eed Insurance?